butterflies in my stomach. gigantic ones. and they're struggling to fly their way up and out.

sniff-sniff

"i am very fond of sunsets. come, let us go look at a sunset now."

...

"one day," you said to me, "i saw the sunset 44 times!"

and a little later you added, "you know--one loves the sunset, when one is sad..."

~ in antoine de saint exupéry's "the little prince"


i sense a change in the air. to be honest, i've been sensing it for quite a while. almost three years now to be almost precise. but i have been, typically, ignoring it. procrastinating, holding my breath, waiting for a brighter sunrise with tomorrow's dawn, seeking satisfaction in a school's soul.

yet, maybe, just maybe, it is time to take a breath, a deep breath. to breathe in, to inhale the change, change that can energize the lungs and waken the soul. to breathe in the realization that i have done all that i can do. to acknowledge that things are as they are and that things will remain as they are. to declare that dissatisfaction leads to sadness. to say to myself, "it's been ten years; time to move on."

i need to breathe in or risk of suffocation. breathe in, not the cool and hope-filled smell of morning mist, but the tangy taste of twilight.

"i am afraid of losing my job. but what scares me more is not using my gift to the best of my abilities."

~ from "grey's anatomy"

in the journey from past to present(an aria in progress)*

in the journey from past to present,

love is lost like shadows after the sunset.

and memories fade like old photographs left out in the rain.

in the journey from past to present,

friends falter and fail and fall like leaves kissed by autumn.

and promises pale like starlight at the coming of the dawn.

(captured 03mar09 at 1:47 pm)

after the rain

after the rain,

the sun will come out of hiding
and the selfless warmth of her embrace
will make you forget that you ever shivered in doubt and desolation.

after the rain,
the birds will sing in chorus
and the unsullied sweetness of their melody
will fill your heart with the dream-desire for life (abandoned) and love (forgotten).

after the rain,

your eyes will sparkle again,
not with the crushing weight of tears this time,
but with the whispered promise of forever found.

(captured 10jan09 at 1:41 pm)

(epiphany 11jan09)

oldenew

the darkness fades with the dying night;
the newborn cries with the coming light.
in crystal balls are seen days to be,
today make a mark in history.

almost always the new becomes old; and old things (and people) are often taken granted. may you always appreciate the "new-ness"... of the year, of things and toys, of family and friends, of sorrow and joys.

christmas morn

in the twinkle of lights that may be stars,
in the murmur of voices that may be angels,
in the dark of night that heralds dawn,
in the silence of a heart that dares to dream,

are revealed

a faith that guides through unfamiliar paths,
a hope that strengthens in the depths of despair,
a love that bridges distance and differences,
a peace within that whispers, "wake!"

may you have the grace to realize that you are blessed.