in waking's wake

are daybreak’s dewdrops
morning mist melting singed by sunshining?
or a toddler’s tears trickling at dawn-dream’s dying?


(epiphany 19mar08)

ephemeros

the mind fails; the heart forgets.
memory fades.

that is why beauty,
in its shape-shifting uniqueness,
must be chased and cornered and captured at the crossroads of circumstance and coincidence
at first chance...







because the first chance may be the only chance.

and though what is held captive is but a shadow of beauty,
an echo of perfection,
it will linger—
like the words and melody of a song last heard—
not forever, perhaps,
but longer than morning mist and memory.

(captured 13mar08 at 5:43, 5:52, 5:58, 6:06, 6:11; and 5:44)
(epiphany 17mar08)

waking

scorched by the sun’s touch at break of day,
the vampire retreats into nothingness…
leaving behind dewdrops and birdsong.
and sand.
and half-forgotten remembered images.


(epiphany 13mar08)

μ

are forgotten memories of moments shared still worth keeping? to be treasured still and savored alone like fine dandelion wine at sunset? or should they be swept away into infinite insignificance like cobwebs on the ceiling and dreams before waking?


(epiphany 8mar08)

one-ness

i feel the one-ness when there is a heightened awareness of the interconnection of everything around me, and a deeper awareness of the interconnection of everything within me, a greater awareness of the interconnection between myself and my God.

since my first experience of this one-ness, i have consciously tried to make the most out of every chance and half-chance i got. and, finally, i realized that there are no half-chances, that all chances are chances. because God is in all things. God is all things.

but it is not always easy. sometimes, the one-ness just comes. sometimes, it doesn’t, no matter how hard i try to dispose myself.

but, most of the time, i've noticed that it usually begins with an alignment of experiences. a crucible? a transformation process? i honestly don’t know. its nothing grand or anything, in fact, it’s quite simple. so simple that i’m even embarrassed to waste unlimited cyber-space for it. but i know it has made me, on the whole, a better person. and isn’t that all that counts?

the one-ness usually begins with a triggering event--and since God is all things, doesn’t it also follow that He is in all experiences?

the event can be something so mundanely everyday: like realizing that despite being right-handed, my left has uses, too.

or it can be a once-in-a-lifetime-lifetime-changing experience: like marveling at the majesty of Lourdes in France--there is a “holy”-ness to the place which i cannot begin to describe.

or it can be an experience with people (like the “adios erap” rally before people power II).

or places (like the kai zenkoji temple in yamanashi, japan where i had to walk along a cold and pitch dark corridor in the shape of a heart).

or common experiences viewed in an uncommon way--like watching the sunset, or dancing in the rain, or moon-bathing.

and there is contemplative music and silence: where i become grateful (because of His endless gifts), selfish (where i try to become more honest with myself and ask myself what I really want), introspective (usually a replay of the experience or of other experiences of His love for me), repentant (where i selflessly admit that i am but a work in progress before revisiting my inadequacies), and, lastly, hopeful (where there is a certain “tuning in”… letting Him guide me and show me the way.)

then... i am His flute, with His breath flowing through me. i am His guitar string, unable to vibrate without making a sound.

but in one-ness, i am content. i am happy. i am at peace.

i don't think i am making sense. or maybe i just can't make sense of things.

thus, i continue my journey. i go out that i may hear the Music; and i go in so i may listen to the Tune. it is my Heart i go to find; my God i seek to know better.

malayo pa ang umaga

drama:princess>
ang bawat pagsikat ng araw ay nasa puso. hawiin ang itim na ulap at salubungin ang liwanag. marikit na tala ang siyang gagabay. karimla'y magwawakas pagsapit ng bukas.

ang kadiliman ng gabi ay hindi na maipapawi sa pusong nakalimot na sa kariktan ng sumisikat na araw... pusong nilisan na ng talang nagsilbing gabay, pusong namamanhid na at napapagod nang magmahal.

as i was writing this,
a rey valera song,
a song from the past, a song from childhood,
kept tugging at the edges of my consciousness,
demanding attention,
whispering release:

malayo pa ang umaga,
kahit sa dilim naghihintay pa rin
umaasang bukas ay may liwanang
sa aking buhay umaga ko'y aking hinihintay.

sadya kayang ang buhay sa mundo
ay kay pait, walang kasing lupit
kailan kaya ako'y 'di na luluha?
at ang aking pangarap
ay unti-unting matutupad.

malayo pa ang umaga, 'di matanaw ang pag-asa
hanggang kailan matitiis ang paghihirap ko?
at sa dilim hinahanap
ang pag-asa na walang landas
kailan ba darating ang bukas para sa'kin?
malayo pa ang umaga.

(epiphany 28feb08)

sangandaan

drama:princess>
maligayang paglalakbay sa paraiso ng mga pangarap

saan iyan?
alin ang daanan patungo diyan?

nakatayo, nawawala,
nag-iisa, nag-iisip,
sa gitna ng sangangdaan:
kastilyo ng kalungkutan o palasyo ng pagsisisi?

ang nais ko lang naman
ay marating ang bukangliwayway
at mamasdan ang bukas...
at nawa'y muling madama ang damping halik ng haring araw.


(epiphany 23feb08)